IS IT REALLY ABOUT BEING OUTSPOKEN

Hey everyone, Hope we are all getting ready for the weekend because i know I am getting super ready.
I just went through my friends blog and one blog post there relates to me on another level.
I have heard all sort of things about how outspoken make it in life and i mean in every industry there is to think of.
Hearing it too much has made me doubt myself of ever becoming who I want to be. I'm a serious introvert, and not just introvert, I find it hard talking too, socializing or even able to survive in  a crowd. But i would make do if i have no choice whatsoever.
Through my short journey on earth, I have watched the outspoken, bold people get nearly everything, they get easily noticed, commended or are even believed to be smart and all rounded.
Now where does that leave me?
It's like to become successful I have to become who I am not or else I won't make any impact.
In this path I have chosen for myself, I've realized how dangerous it is, I have to be outspoken, competitive and you know all those obvious features there is. While on the other hand, any form of attention gets me so flustered and embarrassed. People see my works and expect I should just go out there, be outspoken, and just show off what I do; but deep down it doesn't just work that way because I am really not that kind of person.
I want to do well, succeed as a fashion designer but it seems there are really no opportunities for people like me, I'm left to change, adapt, cope in order to make any impact or to remain in my little small corner.
I write too, at least little stories here and there, and that is one of my medium of communicating and that is the same with drawing.
Anyway, below is the sweet write up of my friend, I really had not planned to post but when i saw it I knew I just had to.

My power isn’t in how I speak,
My strength is in solemnity and thought.
My true self is not found with people,
Its with a pen, a paper and my mind.
We live in a world that values the man of action,
More than the man of contemplation.
A speaking mouth,
More than a thinking mind.
I wanna be great but how can I be when who I am is not acceptable?
But I don’t want to be acceptable,
I want to be outstanding.
My personality will not be my hurdle,
But the reason I fight through and break forth.

                                                                          ¬NICOLE NWADIOKE
Yeah, that is pretty much how I feel too, I think more, feel more than I allow myself to express. Oh well, in the world of today I either adapt or seize to exist.
Well, that should not stop me from posting a lil sketch of mine

 This is just a fashion drawing i did for a bride crush... this lil art do no justice to how beautiful she actually looked on her big day

My first attempts at rendering

It has been such a long while. I missed doing this too much. By the way I'm home and happy. Hope everyone else is. Rendering my fashion sketches is still a huge challenge for me and as much as o would love to hoard my horrible first attempts thanks to no good markers or poor application of techniques. I will still post them regardless for the sake of future reference. I downloaded a few videos from YouTube soit could serve as a guide. Practice makes perfect. And I believe there is nothing you continue practicing fervently that would not yield perfection. Watch out for me soon. So below Are a few scary or poor trial

  

I know they are not the best but s Lil something to try until I get better 

Fear for fashion designing continued

THE PROBLEM NOW
1. I am a perfectionist
2. I am a pessimist
3. I am a lazy bone female

PERFECTIONIST:
I hate this trait of mine. Now, I have learnt some basics in sewing I still feel I am lagging behind because I am still a learner.  I make it too hard for me because I spend my time comparing what I have done with others and forget that they have probably been in the business for a while. I practice, practice,  practice hating my self for not being able to get everything neat and nice. I just feel I'm not creative as other couturiers I've seen. I spend all day looking at pictures and wondering when I would ever get to the level of creativity and perfection of these couturiers.  In fact perfection is now my obsession for sewing.
PESSIMIST:
This has been me for so long.
After I have probably stalked my fashion designer role models I get into a sick dialogue with myself about how I can never be good as they are because I am not as creative as they can ever be. That I would never be able to be anywhere except in their shadows. I tend to believe there are better and more talented people and I won't excel in the field.
LAZY BONE FEMALE:
oh no! This is an extensive area. I am lazy! Stressless and relaxed. It makes me wonder what I'm doing with such a passion as FASHION DESIGN.  I hate to correct mistakes when sewing which ends up in more mistakes! I hate to mend clothes. I hate when a project is tending to be difficult.  I hate to run from my machine to the ironing table (I hate ironing). I give up on a tough task when sewing.
  How would I ever be a good fashion designer if I hate this crucial things. I love the thrill of cutting, sewing and having my work done but I hate the hurdles bit nothing good comes easily.
CONCLUSION:
I wonder if other couturiers or dressmakers go through this because it feels like it is just me. I want to learn more, be good, enjoy my passion but it seems like all those mentioned are conflicting, clashing. I can't be a PERFECTIONIST AND A LAZY BONE FEMALE. I want to get it right because all I want is to live the rest of my life making dresses for a living, for pleasure, for my happiness!