Saturday, 24 October 2015

Fear for fashion designing continued

1. I am a perfectionist
2. I am a pessimist
3. I am a lazy bone female

I hate this trait of mine. Now, I have learnt some basics in sewing I still feel I am lagging behind because I am still a learner.  I make it too hard for me because I spend my time comparing what I have done with others and forget that they have probably been in the business for a while. I practice, practice,  practice hating my self for not being able to get everything neat and nice. I just feel I'm not creative as other couturiers I've seen. I spend all day looking at pictures and wondering when I would ever get to the level of creativity and perfection of these couturiers.  In fact perfection is now my obsession for sewing.
This has been me for so long.
After I have probably stalked my fashion designer role models I get into a sick dialogue with myself about how I can never be good as they are because I am not as creative as they can ever be. That I would never be able to be anywhere except in their shadows. I tend to believe there are better and more talented people and I won't excel in the field.
oh no! This is an extensive area. I am lazy! Stressless and relaxed. It makes me wonder what I'm doing with such a passion as FASHION DESIGN.  I hate to correct mistakes when sewing which ends up in more mistakes! I hate to mend clothes. I hate when a project is tending to be difficult.  I hate to run from my machine to the ironing table (I hate ironing). I give up on a tough task when sewing.
  How would I ever be a good fashion designer if I hate this crucial things. I love the thrill of cutting, sewing and having my work done but I hate the hurdles bit nothing good comes easily.
I wonder if other couturiers or dressmakers go through this because it feels like it is just me. I want to learn more, be good, enjoy my passion but it seems like all those mentioned are conflicting, clashing. I can't be a PERFECTIONIST AND A LAZY BONE FEMALE. I want to get it right because all I want is to live the rest of my life making dresses for a living, for pleasure, for my happiness!

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